30 years a nurse.

 In June of 1995 I took a very important exam.  I had been at St. Lukes School of Nursing for the past 3 years and it was time to sit for my licensing exam.  I had just turned 27 years old and in June of 1995 I passed the test and became a registered nurse.  It took me a minute to get to a career in nursing.  I did 2 years at University of Iowa and changed majors 4 times from journalism to pre-physical therapy to psychology to.....I can't even remember the last one...., then some random classes in California, then lots of entry level jobs just to pay for gas and rent and eventually found my way to nursing.  This is my 30 year anniversary.  I am 30 years a nurse.  

This may be one of the top life achievements I can be proud of....a close second is my marriage of 29 years followed by being a mom for almost 26 years....but for right now, I am so proud to be 30 years a nurse.  

Growing up I never had a longing to be or do anything.....I had lots of ideas and options but no calling, no dream.  I backed into nursing after flailing around without purpose for almost a decade.....and by flailing I mean trying and failing, running and falling, jumping and crashing.....and I backed into nursing because, quite literally, I needed to get training in something I could do so that I could support myself.  Nursing seemed like the path of least resistance and would give me something to do for 3 years until I came up with a new plan.  (my mom always thought I would be a good nurse and I wanted nothing to do with it, but as it goes, moms are often right).  

I enrolled in a diploma RN program, now obsolete.  It would give me 3 years of school and I would learn a trade.  Much to my surprise I loved it.  What's better.....I was good at it.  And now....I am 30 years a nurse.  After passing the exam in June of 1995 I eventually did night classes to achieve my BSN....

When I became a nurse there were very few computers and the ones that existed were big boxes that sat on a table.  Cell phones were rare and not reliable so we had home phones.  Pagers were used for being on call.  We wore white.  Not scrubs.  We had paper charts with a little bit of computer documentation.  AIDS/HIV was fresh and scary....Universal Precautions was a big deal and changed how we deliver health care forever.  I am 30 years a nurse.  

I want to say a little something to the late teens and early 20-somethings out there who read blogs.....it's ok.  You don't have to know what to do with your life right now....just keep doing the next right thing.  God will make a way if you let Him....and His way will be so, so right.  

Once I decided to let Him lead and stop flailing and trying and failing and running and falling and jumping and crashing.......I began to see a path.  I can hardly believe I now look back and see 30 years a nurse.  I'm forever grateful for all the bumps along the way that helped me stumble here.  

Nursing is hard.  It is sacrificial.  It is noble.  It is not held in nearly the high regard it is due.  We don't get bonuses.  We don't get raises that equal what we do....we don't get to recognize the cost of caring in any measurable way other than to one another when we say "I am a nurse."  We are called.  We are.  Some of us take longer to respond to the call than others but if you are a nurse you have been called.  It is not just a job.  It is an identity.  It is a perspective.  It is a world view.......It is who we are more than what we do and it is how we are more than what defines our days.  

I am 30 years a nurse.  

Pleasure-Stacking

 I was listening to a devotional about Sabbath Rest and the author shared a phrase that caught my attention, like, long-term.  I don't remember every suggestion he made for ways to practice Sabbath rest, but I do remember what he called "Pleasure-Stacking".  What he meant was saving things that are extra good, enjoyable, special and feel like a treat.  Stack up these wonderful things in that one day of rest so that there is goodness over and over and over.  

What a great idea!  What an amazing phrase.....pleasure-stacking.  I have always done this for our kids on their birthdays.  I try to consider their favorite foods, favorite people, favorite activities and pleasure-stack them all on a birthday to hopefully send a message over and over again that they are special.  I never thought of applying that list to other days.

As I began to consider how that could look for me on my Sabbath rest days, I began to make small changes.....enjoying an extra cup of coffee with really good cream and maple syrup, finding a comfy spot in my home to read a good book, planning a meal that is a bit more yummy than just eating, not planning lunch for the family but letting everyone graze and eat when they want mid-day....whatever the rhythm of our home allowed for that made the day more relaxing, more pleasing and more comforting for me personally.  

What if we all took some moments to make our own list of pleasure-stacking?  What would be on yours?  Mine would definitely include things I like to eat and drink, fragrant candles, whatever hobby I currently enjoy, specific things I can see, hear, taste, touch and smell......

Pleasure-stacking allows us to tune in to what matters to us, to nourish our own hearts and minds, to care for ourself beyond getting adequate sleep, exercise and nutrition.  Pleasure-stacking sends a message to our own brain chemistry that says, "Hey you....I want you to feel good and to have all the warm fuzzies today.  I want you to be surprised and reminded by all the things that give you pleasure and make you feel good.  I want you to take a break from the worries and burdens that you carry and just be.  How you are is very important.  It is more important than what you do.  Take some time today to make sure that how you are is as good as can be.  Be well today.  Stack your pleasures and your breaths one on top of the other and at the end of the day be more well than when the day began.  Keep coming up with new things to add to the pleasure-stacking list.  Try new things, gauge whether they were pleasing or not and if they were, save them for the pleasure-stacking day.  Plan for your day and make it happen.  Often."  

As a human race, I don't think we do a very good job of innately pleasure-stacking.  I wonder if that is the reason we sometimes weaken and turn to gluttonous or really selfish things....to make up for some void that could be so much more simple.  

I would love to learn what would go on the list of pleasure-stacking for others.  If you have good ideas please share with me!  

I noticed waves.

 Waves.  Ocean waves, specifically, are special.  Recently, Roger and I were able to take a vacation in Mexico by invitation from dear friends.  For a whole week I got to wake up and walk to the Pacific Ocean and sit in a chair and watch the waves roll in.  Hour after hour, day after day...the familiar roll and crash and rhythm of the waves persisted.  

I have some sensory sensitivity to noise.  Meaning I get overwhelmed easily by noises.  By day 2 of our week long vacation I was amazed with a truth that the sound of waves rolling in from the ocean is the antithesis of sensory overload.  I mean, it is a sound that soothes and eases and leans into all that can be healing about sound.  How did God know that would happen?  Well, because God is Omnipotent and ultimate Creator....and I think He made sure that when he created us, he made a sound or two that would never get old, never disturb or annoy or irritate the central nervous system of human being...and that sound is waves.  (and maybe the giggle a baby makes)

I feel so grateful and lucky that I got to be there on the beach and shut my eyes and understand what a gift it is to listen to ocean waves . God made that....for us....for me.  He didn't have to.  He could have created the waters of the earth to do whatever they need to do without the rhythmicity of the waves, of the tide, of the movement of water....but he did it because it connects to our humanity in a deep way.  

That's how much he cares about you and me...and about all he creates.  An artist and a scientist and a friend.  That's what God is.  

I'm not sure when I will get another chance to sit on a beach in the sun, recline and shut my eyes and feel the warmth kiss my skin, hear the waves roll in, smell the fresh breeze from the ocean and take deep, deep breaths but it's ok.  I won't soon forget.  The creator of it all dwells with me here and now....and I know He is happy I noticed.  

Top 10 list for early 2025

 Oh friends....the things I keep learning along the way are big and loud and soft and tender and sometimes really hard to quantify with words.  I picked a weighty title for this series of letters on this blog.....but I am committed to being a life-long learner so for today, I think I will just give a top 10 list for the start of 2025.  Here are some reflections of things I am learning along the way.

1.  Love is a choice.  Love is a verb.  Love is a promise.  Love is many things but one thing love is not, is this.  Love is not a feeling.  Feelings change quickly.  Love, true love, exceeds any feelings and love is bigger. 

2.  Having a winter without snow is depressing and not pretty at all in Iowa.  Even though it took until February for snow to show up.....it is still beautiful.  I wouldn't want to live somewhere that snow was on the ground all year round....but I do love to see snow.  It makes me love nature more....and that leads me to a special kind of worship of the Creator of nature.  

3.  Being a wrestling mom clashes deeply with being a trauma-informed mom.  Being a mom of a child who is fiercely competitive stretches me in all the stiff and awkward places.  If you see me wince in public....its legit.  

4.  It's ok to anticipate the holiday season with the wonder and excitement of a child.  It's also ok to suffer and struggle through the holidays and feel a sense of relief when it all gives way to the less exciting, less busy season of winter.

5. When extra kredits get to their forever homes and check back in once in awhile to let me know they are doing well and happy and living their best life....well....that makes all the hard stuff worth it while they were with me.  On days I feel I would never say "yes" again, these calls and visits make me think...."well...maybe".

6.  Mental health is huge.  Powerful.  Equipping.  Trauma-wise and resilient.  Mental illness is the opposite of all of that.  It is shadowy and dark and scary and destructive and feels helpless and hopeless until it doesn't.

7.  Chicken and rice soup in the slow cooker all day in February is a gift while it cooks and a blessing when it's done.  Recipe available in comments (I hope!-I'm gonna try share it!)

8.  Eggs cost too much.  I like eggs.  I can't wait for eggs to be affordable again and I question the wisdom of killing the chickens who give  us eggs.  I question much of what we are being fed by the news these days but also, how else do we know what is going on?  It's all super overwhelming these days.  

9.  It's Saturday night and I was confined at home today by sick kids who aren't even my own kids but still.  I'm in charge of them and they are hugely contageous.  I'm so sick of fevers and coughs and such....and tomorrow we won't go to church because we don't want to share the crud with all the sweet church ladies who show up no matter what.  We will stay home again tomorrow and while I am an introvert and love days where I can stay in....I don't like feeling that I have to against my will.  It's weird like that.  I have learned along the way that it's not really about me....and it never has been.

10.  Learning is life-long.  Joe and I struggled through some math stuff this week and we learned that if we reach out to the teacher and take a position of humility we are then teachable.  Once teachable, we can get answers that lead to confidence that lead to a felt sense of security for whatever comes next down the line....and that, friends, is worth sitting with for a minute.  These are the things we learn along the way.  

My good Word for 2025...

 In November, sitting in church, the Lord showed me my "Word" focus for 2025.  I can't explain exactly how I knew it was the one....except to say that as I looked on the overhead screen in the front of church and I read along silently as the pastor read the scripture it just made sense to me.  I had a warm, fuzzy feeling inside and a deep sigh in my spirit of abiding Peace that does not come from anything I choose to think or hear or read but only from God.  This is one of the things I've learned along the way.  When you know....you know.  When it lines up with scripture you can trust it.  When it is useful for the building up of the body of Christ and not the tearing down.....well then you know who is guiding and directing.  You just know.  

Psalm 100.....my Word for 2025.  Yep.  the whole thing.  Well....its only 5 actual versus but if you break it into thoughts or phrases it is 12.  12 phrases for the 12 months of the year, beginning today, January 1.  Go figure.  

Shout with joy to the Lord, all the earth!  Worship the Lord with gladness.  Come before him, singing with joy.  Acknowledge that the Lord is God!  He made us, and we are his.  We are his people, the sheep of his pasture.  Enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise.  Give thanks to him and praise his name.  For the Lord is good.  His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation.  Psalm 100

For January the focus will be to shout with joy to the Lord, all the earth!

I have done some shouting to the Lord lately, but it has been more of a cry for help, a begging for truth to set the captives free, a growling in anger even....He's a pretty big God.  He can handle all of it.  But His desire for me, and his call for me in January is to learn to shout with joy to the Lord.  It may take 31 days to unpack just this much...I hope it does.  I hope he has so many things to teach me and show me and reveal as I learn to shout with joy to the Lord, and to learn all the ways the earth will do the same.  

It's New Years' Eve

 For awhile I believed that if I had a "good" New Years' Eve I would also have a good new year.  There are some problems with this superstition...such as what defines "good"?  Festive?  Extravagant?  Mello?  Sublime?  On any given day, any of these could be considered good to me....so maybe a "good" New Year's Eve means satisfying.  For today, I can settle for a satisfying New Year's Eve insomuch as it depends on me.....

I don't need to go out tonight in the cold, dark Iowa winter.  I get a steak dinner grilled by my husband and some apple pie baked for Christmas Day and forgotten in all the activity last week....but apple pie keeps just fine when its kept cool....this is one of the things I have learned along the way.

Why things I am learning along the way?  It's catchy.  It's relevant.  It's curious.  It's hard not to lean into what I/we might be learning along the way....and there is no end to the learning for as long as we draw breath and walk into each new day.  

I took a long break from writing and learned something about myself in the pause.....I need to write.  I settle better in my own skin when the thoughts in my head have found their way out to the eyes of a reader and especially if the reader feels stirred in their spirit and seen and known by what I wrote.  If that happens to you, dear reader, please let me know.  It fuels my passion to write and that makes me feel more whole.  I wondered if I could write something I could sell and make some money to pay some bills but I haven't found words to put into a book and lets face it.....less people are reading books all the time...but everyone seems to love to read on a screen so here you go.  Social media, links, thoughts, likes and shares, all the things....but know this as well, dear reader.  When I hit "publish" and link to the socials I will also pick up a book are read real pages.  Right now I am 2/3 through a novel called The Women by Kristin Hannah.  I'm really behind on pop reading culture as this is my first Kristin Hannah novel and I am thoroughly enjoying it.  I also tend to not like historical fiction but she has made me a believer.  I welcome any book recommendations out there because I do love a good story.  Real life is full of real stories and I live in the real life version of people's hard, hard stories every day.  Fiction is....satisfying.  

Some years I like to look back and reflect on the year we are saying farewell to and maybe in the next 6 hours until midnight I will do that but I know it will make me sad.  There was a lot of hard and sad for me in 2024....and a fair amount of frustration and adversity as well, but isn't there every year if we are honest?  There was also a lot of joy and gladness, mercy and grace and quite a few things I learned along the way.